What if a Child Resists or Refuses Parenting Time During a Divorce?

Divorce is difficult for everyone involved, but children often struggle most with the emotional and logistical changes that follow. Sometimes, a child may begin to resist or outright refuse parenting time with one parent. These situations can be deeply painful and confusing for both parents. If not handled carefully, there can also be serious legal consequences.

Washington law expects both parents to follow the court-ordered parenting plan. But what happens when your child simply refuses to go?

Why Children Resist Parenting Time

Children may refuse visitation for a wide range of reasons. Understanding the “why” behind the behavior is the first step toward resolution. Common reasons include:

• Emotional conflict: The child may feel torn between parents or guilty about spending time with one.
  
  
• Parental conflict: Tension or hostility between parents can make transitions stressful.
  
  
• Fear or discomfort: The child may feel unsafe, unheard, or anxious about a parent’s behavior.
  
  
• Influence from one parent: In some cases, subtle (or overt) negative comments from one parent can impact a child’s willingness to visit the other.
  
  
• Developmental changes: Teenagers, in particular, often assert independence and may resist court-ordered schedules simply out of preference.

Whatever the cause, the court expects parents to make reasonable efforts to encourage and/or ensure visitation occurs as ordered.

Your Legal Obligations Under the Parenting Plan

When a Washington court issues a parenting plan, it’s a binding court order. Both parents are legally required to follow it. If one parent prevents or discourages the child from seeing the other parent, that parent could be held in contempt of court. Contempt findings can result in fines, makeup parenting time, attorney’s fees, and other sanctions.

Even if the child is the one refusing, the court will often evaluate whether the residential parent made a good-faith effort to encourage and facilitate visitation. Simply saying, “I can’t make them go,” may not be enough to avoid consequences.

Encouraging Parenting Time Without Escalation

Parents should avoid turning visitation into a power struggle. Instead:

• Stay calm and empathetic: Validate your child’s emotions while reinforcing that the schedule is not optional.
  
  
• Avoid blaming or interrogating: Don’t pressure your child to explain their feelings in a way that might make them feel guilty.
  
  
• Model cooperation: Speak respectfully about the other parent, even if tensions exist.
  
  
• Remind your child that love for both parents is okay: Children often need reassurance that it’s safe to care for both parents after a divorce.

Courts want to see that both parents are actively supporting their child’s relationship with the other parent, even during conflict.

When Refusal Becomes a Pattern

If the refusal continues over time, it may indicate a deeper emotional or relational issue. In these cases, several tools and interventions can help:

• Family counseling or reunification therapy: This type of therapy focuses on repairing the relationship between the resistant child and the parent they’re refusing to see. A neutral therapist helps rebuild trust and communication in a structured, safe environment.
  
  
• Parenting coordination: A parenting coordinator can help mediate disputes, clarify misunderstandings, and ensure both parents are acting in the child’s best interest.
  
  
• Guardian ad Litem (GAL) involvement: If allegations of abuse or alienation arise, a GAL may be appointed to investigate and report to the court.

Courts may recommend or order these interventions to encourage healthy relationships and reduce long-term harm to the child.

What If You’re the Parent Being Refused?

If your child is resisting visits with you, it’s important to respond calmly and strategically.

1. Document everything. Keep a detailed log of missed visits, communications with the other parent and your efforts to maintain contact.
   
   
2. Seek professional support. A therapist or family counselor can help uncover the underlying reasons for resistance.
   
   
3. Talk to your attorney. Legal intervention may be necessary if the other parent is subtly discouraging contact or violating the parenting plan.

You can file a motion for contempt or request modifications if there’s evidence that the other parent is contributing to the problem.

When Contempt May Be Appropriate

If the resisting child is clearly being influenced or coached, and the other parent is not making reasonable efforts to comply with the plan, your attorney may recommend a contempt action.

To prove contempt, you’ll need to show:

• A valid court order exists (your parenting plan)
  
  
• The other parent knowingly failed to comply
  
  
• They did so without reasonable excuse

Washington courts may not hold a parent in contempt for a child’s independent refusal if the parent took genuine steps to facilitate the visit — such as preparing the child, communicating appropriately, and offering transportation.

Modifying the Parenting Plan

If your child’s refusal is rooted in developmental changes or genuine emotional distress, the best approach may be to request a modification rather than force compliance through contempt. Courts can adjust parenting plans to reflect a child’s age, maturity, or therapeutic recommendations.

However, modification requests should be made carefully, with guidance from an experienced family law attorney, as the process requires meeting specific legal thresholds.

When a child resists or refuses parenting time, the situation can feel overwhelming. You may be torn between following the law and protecting your child’s emotions. But Washington courts prioritize both compliance and the child’s best interests and will look closely at how each parent responds.

If you’re struggling with a resistant child or being accused of withholding visits, the experienced family law team at Magnuson Lowell, P.S. can help you navigate your legal obligations while supporting your child’s wellbeing.

Call us today 425-800-0573 for a free telephone case evaluation to discuss your options and develop a plan tailored to your family’s needs.