Divorce is often emotionally difficult, but when domestic violence is involved, the stakes are much higher. Safety should always be the first priority. If you are ending a relationship involving physical violence, threats, intimidation, stalking, or coercive control, it is important to take steps to protect yourself and your children throughout the divorce process. Every situation is different, but having a safety plan and understanding the legal protections available can help reduce risk during this challenging time.
Consider Whether a Protection Order Is Appropriate
If you are experiencing domestic violence, one of the first legal options to consider is seeking a Domestic Violence Protection Order (DVPO). Depending on the circumstances, a protection order may prohibit an abusive person from contacting you, coming to your home or workplace, possessing firearms, or having contact with your children. Protection orders can also address temporary custody and visitation issues while a family law case is pending. If a protection order is already in place, it is important to understand its terms and follow them carefully.
Develop a Personal Safety Plan
A safety plan is a practical strategy for responding to dangerous situations. This may include identifying a safe place to stay, keeping important documents accessible, maintaining emergency contact information, and having a trusted friend or family member who knows your situation. If children are involved, consider how exchanges will occur safely and whether a neutral exchange location is appropriate.
Document Concerning Conduct
If it is safe to do so, keep records of threatening messages, photographs of injuries or property damage, police reports, medical records, and other evidence of abusive behavior. This information may become important if you seek a protection order or if issues arise regarding parenting arrangements during the divorce. You should prioritize safety over gathering evidence. Do not place yourself in danger simply to document an incident.
Be Careful with Communication
When communication is necessary, keep it brief, factual, and focused on essential matters such as the children. Avoid escalating arguments or responding to abusive messages. In some cases, communication through attorneys or court-approved co-parenting applications may be more appropriate. If a protection order prohibits contact, be sure to follow its terms and consult your attorney before initiating any communication.
Think Carefully About Exchanges
If you have children together, parenting exchanges can become stressful. Depending on the circumstances, exchanges may occur at a police station, supervised visitation center, or another public location. Some parenting plans also permit a trusted third party to assist with exchanges to reduce contact between parents. The safest exchange arrangement depends on the facts of each case.
Protect Your Digital Privacy
Consider changing passwords for your email, financial accounts, cloud storage, and social media. Review privacy settings on your devices and disable location sharing if appropriate. If you believe your accounts or devices have been compromised, discuss those concerns with your attorney and consider consulting a technology professional.
If domestic violence is part of your divorce, your safety and your children's safety should always come first. Washington law provides legal tools to help protect victims of abuse, but every situation is unique and requires careful evaluation.
If you are in immediate danger, call 911. If you are experiencing abuse, consider speaking with an experienced family law attorney as soon as possible to discuss your legal options. You should also consider reaching out to local domestic violence advocates or shelters, who can assist with safety planning, emergency resources, and support throughout the legal process.
At Magnuson Lowell, P.S., we help clients navigate divorce and custody cases involving domestic violence with compassion and a focus on protecting their rights and safety. We offer free telephone case evaluations 425-800-0582 to discuss your situation and possible legal options.
